Infographic Category Funny

How to Become a Pirate for Dummies

By | source: Sep 6th, 2014

Ever wished you were Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean? Or wished you could scream at the top of your lungs: “Why is all the rum gone?!” with the look and demeanor to back it up? Well, with the help of today’s infographic, you just might be able to achieve your lifelong dream of becoming a real life pirate.

Step 1. No matter how proud you are of your 20-20 vision, you’re going to have to be willing to lose that mini conversation confidence booster of “Oh, yeah I have 20-20 vision.” Surgical removal of one eye is encouraged for this step. Proceed to cover empty eye socket, with eye patch of your choice. Warning: You may experience blurred vision and/or excessive pain for a few days.

Step 2. Although you may love your hands as well, if you want to really succeed and stand out in the world of piracy, you’re going to have to make a sacrifice. Only one hand allowed. Look on the bright side, at least you’ll always have a place to hang your keys, with a hook for a hand!

Step 3. “Saw off leg and replace with chair leg of choice.” Probably the most crucial aspect of the entire process. Only diehards lose a leg for the dedication to a life exploring the seven seas.

Step 4. Now for the icing on the cake. Knock out two or three of your front teeth. There are many different methods for this step, but the most highly recommended is chewing on rocks. It just adds the cherry-on-top to the whole pirate image.

Well, now that you have the tools to finally turn your life around and embark on outrageous, barbarous, booze-filled adventures, all that’s left to do is complete these simple steps, and you’ll be ready in no time!