I love video games, everyone loves video games. If you don’t love video games, you’re a loser. It’s very simple. Don’t think about it, just accept what I say.
Over the years I’ve racked up some high scores that are nothing to sneeze at. I once got over 200k points on Galaga, one of my plays on Words With Friends landed me almost 300 points — these feats have earned me respect, and honor from men as well as desire and longing from women. However, there is one high score that is not honorable, not desirable — that is my Flappy Bird high score — it’s six. Yes, six.
After 3 hours, and nearly getting thrown out by my roommates for punching two holes in my wall, I gave up. Six would be my score. But upon reading the inter webs about this ‘Flappy Bird’ I realized I wasn’t alone. People claim it’s the hardest game ever made. They say it was designed to be impossible, and that high scores were produced by bots to help promote the game. So what is it? Is Dong Nguyen — the games creator — the most successful internet troll of all time or simply the worst game designer of all time? And why did he remove the game from iOS App Store and Google Play?
These are not questions that should be entertained, they lead only to frustration and hate. However, maybe the one good thing that came from all this is that some people are apparently selling their Flappy-Bird-loaded phones for a shit ton of money. There is a story circulating that a phone with Flappy Bird sold on Ebay for $94k! A glance at the Austin Craiglist will show listings for phones starting at around $2000. There are even people making fake Flappy Bird apps, so that they can sell the phones to unsuspecting buyers. Let me reiterate that: people are making FAKE versions of a crappy, poorly-designed game, TO MAKE MONEY. Wha..?
At the end of the day, Flappy Bird sucks. It’s a horrible, black-hole of despair masquerading as a smartphone app. Some people are somehow making thousands of dollars off of this life-ruiner. Good for them I guess. For those of you who never played the game — you dodged a bullet. I mean, how important is money really? You never had to experience a level of sucking at a game that you never imagined possible. So let’s all move on with our lives, and be happyâ?¦
Or you could play a flash version of Flappy Bird (they exist, Google is a useful tool) and test your capacity for hate. You decide.